Size Matters

Ficlet for romanticalgirl (written August 2004)
Just under 600 words
Characters: Ron/Twinses
Sentence of dialogue: "Mum's going to kill you both if she ever sees that!"

Ron leaned against the closed door, mouth gaping.

"Ron, you'll catch flies," George admonished.

"And we might need them later," Fred went on.

"Mum's going to kill you both if she ever sees that!" Ron exclaimed, pointing at the white item in George's hand.

"Well, little bro, we weren't planning on her knowing. Understand?"

Ron nodded, his jaw still open. "What are they?" he asked, looking at the piles of underwear neatly stacked around the otherwise chaotic offal of half-empty potions flasks, outlandishly coloured Headless Hats and other unmentionables including the twins' own dirty clothes.

"Newest product," Fred said, smirking. "Adult line."

"A… Adult line?" Ron said, pressing back against the door.

"'Y-Yes'es," George said, grinning as he made a pair of the y-fronts dance in his hands.

"Bollocks! They're Y-Nots," Fred insisted.



"Y-yeses, you stubborn arsehole."

"Um," Ron interrupted, his face a shade of pink under his freckles, "What do they do?"

"A fine question. These allow a gent to appear a bit more prominent below the belt than he does in real life, if you get my drift."

"They what?" Ron spluttered, his blush venturing down his neck.

"Pretty simple, really," George said, looking at his younger brother. "If you've been doing a fair amount of experimentation with engorgement charms, that is. What waist size are you? You can wear a prototype tonight. You're meeting Dean and Harry in London, right?"

"Bloody hell. I don't know!"

"You don't know what your waist size is, or you don't know that you're meeting your friends?" Fred snickered. He looked at the piles, then walked over to one and took the top pair off and tossed it to Ron. He clutched at the pair as they hit his chest, then he raised them to his face, sniffing them with an apprehensive look.

"Just give them a go. What's the harm?" George asked, looking provocatively at Ron's crotch.

"Oy! You two leave my private bits out of this." He held the underwear out, examining them. "They're not going to make me look really huge, right?"

"Do you want them to?" Fred asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Don't listen to Fred," George said, shaking his head and opening a yet-uncharmed package of briefs. "We actually want to sell these, and not just as novelty items. It's a subtle charm, but enough to make a difference, especially under tight trousers."

"So to answer your question, no, you won't look like you have a dragon's di-"

"Shut up or I won't be your trial run," Ron said. "I can't believe I'm doing this," he mumbled, smelling the y-fronts yet again.

"There's nothing scented on them," Fred said, patting Ron on the shoulder. "You just give them a go and let us know if you don't get appreciative looks from the ladies."

Ron was shaking his head as he left the twins' room.


"Go 'way! It's bloody two a.m." George was being very unpleasantly shaken awake by Ron, who reeked of cigarette smoke.

"George. S'brilliant. You'n Fred are bloody fucking brilliant. Harry and Dean want to buy some. How much do they cost?"

George snorted. "No idea. I'll come up with something in the morning. Now let me sleep."

Ron went away, practically dancing and humming under his breath.

"Did you hear that?"

"How could I not?" Fred made a contented sigh. "Weasley's Wankable Wares."

George coughed. "Let's give that name a thought in the morning too."

"Like you'd come up with something better."

"Night, you git."

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